Category: Blog

Cure Anxiety Down To The Core In The New Year: The 7 Layer Fix To Finally Have A Great Year

It’s January and you might be hoping that this year things will be different.  You’ve got your fingers crossed to feel good this year, to be stress-free, to be able to go with the flow, and love your life. Because even though you have a good life, maybe even great one, somehow anxiety gets the best of you anyway.

Most people who suffer from stress, worry, and anxiety have tried a few things to get relief: psychotherapy, medication, self-help books, meditation. Maybe you have even tried sex, sugar, alcohol, drugs, shopping, or exercise. The truth is, most of those things (both the healthy and not-so-healthy) will help relieve your stress to some degree but you need more than a temporary fix. This year is your year to feel good and to finally let go of the strange fear that has been siphoning the happy out of your day.

The deal is, to cure anxiety (and it’s friends “stress” and “worry”) you simply have to cure it on every layer of your being. If you have anxiety, it has woven itself into the fabric of your WHOLE being. That’s right, you need to reprogram all of the layers of you- not just change how you think (your mental layer) or learn to belly breath (your physical layer). After 20 years of treating anxiety, practicing as a psychotherapist, life coach, energy healer, spiritual counselor and devotee of science, I just had to put everything I knew in one place for people so I wrote this “ultimate modern therapy” program called The Soul Cure For Anxiety.  It reprograms anxiety by finding all the places it hides in your system and rewrites a new reality.  Here’s some tools from the program to help you right now:

THE 7 LAYER FIX TO CURE ANXIETY DOWN TO YOUR CORE

1)YOUR PHYSICAL LAYER: to reprogram this layer you need to practice the tools that re-wire your amp-ed up system. Learning to meditate to reduce your baseline anxiety level, belly breath to calm you down when you start spiraling during what I call a “Peak Incident”, use freezing cold water to stop and anxiety attack and master the 7 Non-Negotiables to have a stress-resistant body are imperative. The muscle memory of body must be reprogrammed to be at ease throughout the day so that it is natural to respond to life in a calm and collected way. Anxious people tend to be so afraid of their anxiety that their fear escalates their responses to triggers.

Try this tool out next time you feel stress or an anxiety attack coming on: Stop your body from moving. Freeze. If you can, lay down on the floor or on a couch and put your arms in an X over your chest. Take a nice deep belly breath. Now explain to yourself what is happening like this: “I am getting stressed. I am starting to get revved up and my heart is racing. My breath has gotten shallow.  This is adrenaline in my body.  That’s all it is.  This is just stress and nothing more.” And now talk yourself into how you want to feel: “I can breath, I take a deep breath. Everything is okay. All is well in my world. I will be fine as the adrenaline leaves my body.”

2) YOUR MENTAL LAYER: your mind has probably felt like your enemy for quite some time now. After all, it surely seems to concoct lots of things for you to ruminate about. Reprogramming this layer requires that you become the Observer who is in charge of letting go of thoughts and discard all of the anxious beliefs you have inherited. I literally teach people tons of mental tricks to guide the magnificent workshop of their mind to a happy place where it can benefit them. Try this one next time you find your thinking about something that causes you anxiety: observe the problem thought and decide to “change the channel”. Say to yourself “I am changing the channel of this thought and mentally turn the dial to something- anything- you like better. You can turn to a mental channel that has cute puppies, your favorite funny memory, a successful moment in time, roses and peonies, or angels. Yes, you might need to do this over and over. After all, you are reprogramming the mind until you are the one in charge (the way it’s supposed to be).

3) YOUR EMOTIONAL LAYER: When reprogramming the emotional layer, it’s interesting (and healing) to see how anxiety has actually served you. All behaviors- even the messy, annoying ones- have served us now or at some time. In this layer, we honor the old stuff we’ve been carrying around and then put it down. Anxiety has usually helped people stay safe (by not being authentic), enabled them to cope, or distracted them like the useful decoy it can be. I often see this with grief: people engaging in anxious thoughts about this or that to distract them from feeling some deep sadness. Here’s something to try: ask yourself what would you REALLY be feeling if you weren’t busy with worry or anxiety. OR ask yourself: what parts of authentic self am I not letting be exposed? Listen to the answer closely.

4) YOUR ENERGETIC LAYER: The deal is that we all have energy blocks. Energy flows perfectly until it gets jammed up in our energy bodies from life experiences. Anxiety is a major energy block and it causes energy gridlocks as well. We must must must deal with ourselves on a energetic level and move this energy. The good news is that it’s not terribly hard to do and if you use an energy healing method like “Tapping” or “EFT” you will relieve the anxiety in the moment and rewire your energy body reducing the likelihood of future episodes. Use this video to alleviate your fear with tapping. In addition, people need to learn and I teach people how to protect their own energy fields with techniques that acknowledge just how sponge-like most of us are.

5) YOUR BEHAVIORAL LAYER: Unwittingly, many of your behaviors are actually causing your anxiety. To rewire this layer, we need to rewire your avoidance and procrastination, get you unhooked from the overdose of EMFS from media, and help you say Yes and No to what you really need and who you really are. Try this out: Use my “Tipping Point Tool” and evaluate all things with this question- “Will saying yes to this (whatever you are making a decision about) truly add more joy to my life or will it add more stress?”  follow the advice of your answer, even if it does against your habits and norm.

6) YOUR SPIRITUAL LAYER: I really enjoy teaching people how anxiety is not an enemy, not a mystery, but actually a CALLING. That’s right: it’s a calling to your soul to align yourself with your highest self. Reprogramming this layer means becoming aware of your true essence as a being of love and light that is perfect- right here and now- as you are, and as you are growing. The love for the self is expanded to included the love of all perfectly imperfect beings. Sure it’s hard! Spirituality is not for the faint of heart. But this is how you transform anxiety into a way to connect in and up. Try this tool out: Ask yourself what judgmental, fear-based beliefs you have about yourself that need a dose of love. The answer, my friend, is how your anxiety is helping you to grow.

7) YOUR KARMIC LAYER: This layer can be confusing to some and can mess with their own personal beliefs systems, but the meat of the material is actually pretty simple. Your soul is seeking spiritual perfection or enlightenment, meaning that while you are hanging out on earth you are trying to be your highest- most “god-like” self. Trouble is, we carry the energy from this life and the past because energy cannot be destroyed, only transformed. This is why your anxiety is actually a much bigger picture- it is not only a calling for you to become more “love” and “light” -like for your benefit now, but to also finally realize this truth for eternity.  I coined a phrase: “The Soul’s Eye View”.  Now ask yourself,  how are the issues that make me anxious trying to help my soul grow and change, for both my betterment and that of others (because we are all connected and helping one another grow)? This is what the Soul’s Eye shows us.

It’s pretty simple to see, because most interventions used in the past to help anxiety have often been too narrow, how and why little change has occurred for stressed, worried, and anxious people. In my 20 years of treating anxiety, I surely have seen what works…and what doesn’t.
If you would like to learn more about how I brought all of the tools together to heal each layer of the being check out THE SOUL CURE FOR ANXIETY: The Ultimate Modern Therapy To Be Calm, Cool, and Connected (no matter what happens in life) and sign-up to download your Free meditations.

It’s my mission to cure this world of anxiety- let’s do this together!

Wishing you a calm, cool, and connected year,

Beth Miller, LCSW, CEC

Beth Miller is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Life Coach, energy healer, and spiritual counselor in Bayport, Long Island, New York USA.  She has one foot firmly planted on the earth while the other is exploring the spiritual mysteries of energy.  She works with individuals in person and via telephone, teaches workshops and groups, and has a lively YouTube channel in which she teaches tools to cure anxiety and get in the flow of life. She is the author of The Soul Cure For Anxiety: The Ultimate Modern Therapy To Be Calm, Cool, and Connected (no matter what happens in life), a program that delivers the most effective therapy treatment to the inbox of anyone and everyone who wants to radically change their stress, worry, and anxiety.

Download 5 FREE Guided Meditations TODAY! Click here to enter in your email address and start meditating!

The #1 Way To Feel Better About Anything

Feeling good is all about focus. When you feel stressed, worried, anxious, disappointed, low, disheartened, or any variation of “bad”, it’s pretty easy to get sucked into the rabbit hole and not know how to get out. The problem is that you mind has gotten focused on stuff that makes you feel bad and you have forgotten that there are other things you could put your focus on.

The number of items we have available to focus are (possibly) infinite. Every moment is like being at a huge outdoor flea market that spans for miles that has thousands of vendors, each with hundreds of items at their table. There is so much to see, so many things to pick up and turn over, things to consider buying and others to be dismissed.

When you are feeling happy, you have found items at the flea market of life that you like. You have wandered around and found a table that has the perfect little trinkets that make your heart sing and feed your senses. You ignored the tables with rubbish or old parts that didn’t appeal to you and for this you were rewarded with the bliss of having found just the thing you were looking for. You were selective. You did not go up to the tables with rubbish and think “This place has nothing but garbage for sale. This flea market is a waste of time. What a terrible day.” Instead, you stayed focused and wide eyed, keeping your intention on what you wanted and passing the items that that were ugly or broken.

Recently I was talking to a friend who felt she over indulged during the holidays. She was feeling low about all of the food and wine she consumed, and felt like it would be an uphill battle to undo the weight gain and bloating she incurred. I told her my number #1 trick for feeling happy and being able to make change easily:

KEEP THE FOCUS ON THE STRENGTHS OF ANY SITUATION.
I asked her: what good things have you done for your body over this time, even though you indulged in more food and wine than usual. She had a quick reply: “I drank my green shake every morning, I went to the gym most days, I ran around with the kids outdoors.” And, I asked, what good things happened over the holiday? “Oh, we had such a great time, we saw so many friends. It was our best holiday ever.”

I asked her to check in and see how she was feeling to which she replied “I actually feel much better! I feel like I DID do a lot of great things for my body and I feel like I had such a wonderful time over the holiday that it was perfect. I feel like I can get back on board really easily.”

She felt great and nothing at all had changed except her focus. She was counting the strengths in her situation instead of the deficits, focusing on everything she did well or good instead of where she wasn’t perfect. This not only changed the energy she has and how she feels about herself, but also made her more enthusiastic about being able to recover from the holidays and advance easily!

The number of items there are to think about are enormous. Our focus can be on war, flavors of iced tea, styles of cars made in 1969, the people who make us laugh, the most annoying aspects of our boss, the best book we every read, the worst betrayal of our lives, everything that’s wrong with our partner, our favorite birthday party, what to make for dinner, or who to send love energy to. They are all equal options, all for show at the flea market, ready for us to pay attention to and take them home. We have the choice about what items to bring into focus and what items to pass by, moving on to what fills our need. If we choose to always focus on the strengths of any situation, we are bound to veer towards the thoughts that will support us, encourage us, celebrate us, and inspire to keep becoming even stronger.

Beth Miller is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Life Coach, energy healer, and spiritual counselor in Bayport, Long Island, New York USA.  She has one foot firmly planted on the earth while the other is exploring the spiritual mysteries of energy.  She works with individuals in person and via telephone, teaches workshops and groups, and has a lively YouTube channel in which she teaches tools to cure anxiety and get in the flow of life. She is the author of The Soul Cure For Anxiety: The Ultimate Modern Therapy To Be Calm, Cool, and Connected (no matter what happens in life), a program that delivers the most effective therapy treatment to the inbox of anyone and everyone who wants to radically change their stress, worry, and anxiety.

Would you like to receive 5 FREE Guided Meditations? Click here to enter in your email address and start meditating TODAY!

When Your Anxious Mind Is Like A Wild Horse: How To Sit Up and Take The Reigns

If you have anxiety, sometimes it can feel like your mind just takes off like a wild horse. This may leave you feeling like you are bouncing around on the saddle, just trying to get through the latest bumpy ride of panic, stress, or exhausting episode of life. Believing your mind is not in your control often leads to self-medicating (eating, drinking, sleeping), acting-out (crying, yelling, procrastination), more negative thinking, depressing ruminations, and being so “in your head” that you can’t enjoy the moment or be present. The thing is, anxiety makes you forget just how POWERFUL you are.  You need to learn how to sit up, take the reigns, and start steering that horse in the direction you want to go. Because after all, you are the master of your mind…and your own life.

Here are the top three steps you can take when you realize your mind has wandered off track and is busy thinking about stuff that isn’t going to serve you in any way:


1) Notice You Are Off Course:  The first key here is to realize that you are thinking and feeling about things that make you feel bad and that aren’t leading to positive change or solutions. Take several deep belly breaths to reduce your adrenaline and make a choice.  Ask yourself “Do I want to feel bad or good?”  “Do I want to help this situation?”  If you answered in the affirmative, move on to step 2. If you aren’t sure you want to feel better, don’t judge yourself, but be okay with not feeling okay.  Remember, it’s a choice.


2) Recognize Your Power: The anxious mind is powerful, no doubt.  It’s often been reinforced by years of habits and neurological wiring that enables it to just hit “play” on the same old record, causing your feelings, thoughts, and body to all do the fear jig on cue.  But realizing that the mind works for you means that you can mentally hit the “stop” button on that tired old record.  Your anxiety is a part of you but is not actually you.  If you can notice it, you can take charge of it.  See it for what it is:  just a fear- based response to life that is acting out the same part it has many, many times before.

But you are the master, you are in charge, and you get to decide what you think about-  and what you don’t.  If you want to think about your 5 favorite kinds of flowers,  your funniest high school memory, or the most beautiful tree on your block you can.    If you want to think about the worst mistakes you made at work this week, why you will never get married, or the recent ways your friends let you down, you can think about that too.

What you focus on is all about choice.  But I know how tenacious the anxious mind is and how it will veer, over and over, down the tempting negative path.  Sometimes it will notice you’ve become lax about keeping your positive focus and will gallop off into the sunset with horrible ideas about you and your life. After all, it’s a creature of habit.  But you have the reigns and you need to be vigilant.  Sit up, pull them in closer to you, and steer yourself (over and over and over) back to the thoughts that feel better. That horse will get the message over time, that life is okay enough, good enough, and safe enough for you to actually enjoy the blessings you put your focus on.


3) Make It Easier On Yourself: It’s way simpler and more effective to steer the mind when you have slept enough, when you eat regularly and keep your blood sugars balanced (low blood sugars make you moody and feel a whole lot like adrenaline), when you don’t drink 5 cups of coffee (or at least drink mostly decaf and tons of water), when you take a walk everyday (or at least 4 days a week), and when do basic meditation or sit still and belly breathe.  The body will work with you if you set it up for success. Some people take GABA (to supplement the brain’s natural tranquilizer that is very low in people with anxiety) or Calmes Forte (a homeopathic medicine for anxiety) to help the body help the mind. Learn to belly breath (learn how with this teaching video) and use the energy healing method “Tapping” (try one of my Tapping videos ) to reduce fear in any moment. Practices like these help the mind work for you.
Here’s an EFT Sequence to use to open the heart and allow in miracles


Your mind can be re-trained but it needs support from the physical, energetic, and spiritual parts of you, too.  If, after trying to control or guide your mind to think more positive, you have given up because it just doesn’t seem to work, don’t lose hope. It does and will change if you truly realize that you are in charge. Sit up and take those reigns time and time again, knowing you are reconditioning the beast that has been taking you for a ride.

Beth Miller is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Life Coach, energy healer, and spiritual counselor Bayport, Long Island, New York USA.  She has one foot firmly planted on the earth while the other is exploring the spiritual mysteries of energy.  She works with individuals in person and via telephone, teaches workshops and groups, and has a lively YouTube channel in which she teaches tools to cure anxiety and get in the flow of life. She is the author of The Soul Cure For Anxiety: The Ultimate Modern Therapy To Be Calm, Cool, and Connected (no matter what happens in life), a program that delivers the most effective therapy treatment to the inbox of anyone and everyone who wants to radically change their stress, worry, and anxiety. In USA 631.327.0090

Just Say No To The New Normal: 6 Steps To Start A Revolution Against Stress, Worry and Anxiety

If you’re anything like me, you might be getting alarmed at our new emotional normal these days. You know how everyone worries, talks about stress, and is anxious in one way or another? Now, we know that stress has always existed for humans – after all, it’s the very stress hormone (adrenaline) we are blessed with that has enabled us to fight or flight throughout thousands of years to get to where we are today.

Unfortunately, we are overusing this stress response that was supposed to be used for survival purposes only as our everyday life experiences, such as traffic jams or frustrations at work spark a cascade of thoughts, emotions and chemical reactions that tell us we should tense up, breathe shallowly, have racing thoughts, and lose concentration. And even though we all know being stressed is a routine experience in our demanding lives, I’ve noticed that somehow being worried and anxious have also become part of the new and accepted normal as well.

In my psychotherapy, life coaching, and energy healing practice, I specialize (in part) in treating stress, worry, and anxiety so naturally I expect to spend my days teaching people the tools and making the shifts necessary to eradicate this unnecessary condition. In fact, it is a true blessing to witness the freedom they experience as they align with who they truly and end the suffering that stress, worry, and anxiety has caused in their lives.

But I’ve noticed the baseline of everyday anxiety has increased for the masses. If I think of the 15 closest people to me in life, I can easily give examples of how each one stresses, worries, or has anxiety that interferes with their happiness in life. Their levels of stress, worry, or anxiety (or what I call S.W.A) may not meet clinical proportions, but their lives would be greatly improved if they didn’t have to waste their precious life energy on the act of worrying, fretting, racing, pushing, ruminating, or generally feeling pressured or negative.

In other words, you no longer need to have a clinical diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder to lay awake at night with worry, think of the worst things that could happen, have inner dialogues battling your own ruminations and self doubt, race around like a chicken without a head, assume the worst about others or yourself, become overwhelmed by paperwork and to-do lists, not sit still until 10 pm, or avoid taking risks or feeling feelings because it could make you anxious. Or maybe the new normal is that many more people actually do meet the criteria for a diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Either one is not okay.

Stress, worry, and anxiety are SO normal that the word “stress” in an article headlines actually get’s a big yawn from readers because it’s not new or sexy enough. “Stress” as a topic is pretty boring because lots of people simply endure it as if it is an expected bi-product of life, i.e. that it’s a price one has to pay to get other good things they want, is a badge of honor about how busy or successful they are, or is just a cultural norm that gets modeled and repeated over and over.

So I’m thinking we need a big, ol’ revolution! Today I am inviting- even inciting- you to put your foot down about the stress, worry, and anxiety in your life and say no to the new norm. Become a cultural revolutionary on the leading edge and take these steps to be…not normal!

Here’s How To Just Say No To The New Normal:

 1) Get mad about stress, worry, and anxiety and declare that you will not live this precious life in a state of stress and fear-based emotions. What a waste! Then replace the mad feeling with love for yourself and commit to living in a more harmonious way with yourself and your world.

2) Get busy learning new ways to shift your current habits to new ones. S.W.A. is very treatable and curable. There are tools and shifts that truly work. This means get a therapist, coach, self-help book, or group that is committed to helping you reduce your stress response behaviors and increase your joy quotient.

3) Learn to meditate. Seriously, it’s time. You’ve wanted to learn for years or people have told you to, so wait no longer. Meditation isn’t just for new-agers anymore. Everybody who feels happier is doing it and it’s more accessible than ever:
CLICK HERE to get these free guided meditations.

4) Slow and steady wins the race. Make changes, like writing in a gratitude journal everyday or grounding yourself with a daily walk, with commitment, consistency, and patience, Over time, it will make a measurable difference.

5) Shoot for 90%- You are probably not going to eliminate all of your S.W.A. and some of it has VERY useful benefits, so let’s aim for only being in a state of stress only 10% of everyday. The rest of the day will be met with a different way of life and heart.

6) Remember two important messages: This is YOUR LIFE and LOVE IS THE ANSWER. Everything else is just filler.

5 TIPS TO HELP ANXIOUS AND NEGATIVE TEENS

HAVE YOU NOTICED HOW ANXIOUS AND STRESSED ADOLESCENTS ARE THESE DAYS?

It seems like negative thinking, overwhelm, and even depression plagues many of our young people.

This can be very worrisome and frustrating for parents, teachers, and guidance counselors.  It often leaves them feeling helpless about what to do and confused about what is wrong.

PAY ATTENTION TO THE FLAGS:  ANXIETY AND NEGATIVITY ARE SIGNS OF IMBALANCE
There are many important reasons why young people are experiencing low moods and high stress. Anxiety and depression often feed each other because hopelessness leads to overwhelm, and worry creates more powerlessness.

These heavy feelings drive unhealthy coping methods like anger, withdrawing, self-harm, drug & alcohol use, procrastinating, acting out, or pretending like everything is okay while they collapse inside.

Even if the teens in your life aren’t suffering from mood issues, you may notice a lot of “negative thinking”.  They might have a “ho-hum” belief that life is out of their control and “just happens” to them. Or they may “negatively forecast” about what will go wrong in the future and see the “down side” of everything.   This way of thinking usually becomes habitual and automatic, and needs to be re-wired now before it becomes a  way of life.

WHAT CAN WE DO TO HELP YOUNG PEOPLE DE-STRESS AND FEEL POSITIVE

1) MODEL POSITIVITY:  You’ve heard the expression “Be the change you wish to see in the world”.  If you would like to see more positive, powerful thinking in your teen, begin to embody this yourself.  Check your own negative thinking and anxiety:  do you worry, negatively project into the future, hold yourself or others back because of fear, lack confidence, or feel powerless in life?  Our young people are mirroring what they have learned from us…so get conscious of what you say and how you behave and SHOW them how to be more positive.

2) UNSCHEDULE: We often set up our lives in a way that creates stress-  over-scheduling and having too much to do makes it impossible to feel calm and centered.   Young people are learning that being overwhelmed is a normal way to function.  Being out of balance is bad for all of us-  and a child’s anxiety let’s adults know it’s time to make changes.  Even though you can’t eliminate everything in your schedule, make a commitment to dial back your commitments. Consider  making one night a week “family night” where you don’t have anything on the schedule except going for a bike ride or having dinner together.

 

Top 5 Tips Helping Teens Who are Anxious

 

3) CONSCIOUSLY CONNECT: If your family scatters to their electronic corners when you are together, it’s time to unplug for a purpose.  Will they object?  Yup.  Will you?  Probably, but that’s okay.  Teens are not going to ask you to connect with them and probably don’t think they need it.  But time together translates into a feeling of support and love.  Although we all need down time, but the intense amount of technology in our lives causes overstimulation and disconnect.  Plus, social media and negative news have many downsides. Help your child (and yourself) by carving out “technology-free” time.  Talk, take a walk, ride bikes, play a game, garden, eat without being in front of the TV, volunteer as a family, and did I mention TALK yet?

4) GET INTO NATURE:  There’s a reason why you actually feel better when you take a walk, especially if it’s in nature.  First, those natural anti-depressants get kicking.  Second, the chi of trees is so high that they literally will take the toxins from us and return clean energy to our beings.  If you want to feel better when stressed, go take a walk- in nature preferably.  Do this with your teens to show them how exercise and nature are a daily part of maintaining a positive mood.

5) ASK HOW YOU CAN HELP… AND ACTUALLY LISTEN: This might seems strange, but if you want to know how to help someone, ASK! Communicating is underused as a way to solve problems.  But it’s not just asking that helps-  it’s HOW we ask and HOW we listen.  So try this:  ask your teen “How would you like me to help you during this time? How can I support you?”  Then LISTEN to the answer, without defensiveness or needing to control their path. Just listen.  Your presence means more than your solutions.    And always validate by saying  “I am so sorry that happened to you. ”  Ask them if they would like your help to solve the problem or just want a listening ear. If they are ready for counseling, we can teach them the skills and tools for a lifetime of happiness.
BONUS TIP:
Kids need to learn how powerful they are.  We can teach them the practical tools and skills to consciously manifest their lives.  Have them start by making affirmations like “I am strong and can handle anything” or “Life flows easily”.  Making Vision Boards is a fun way to help them become powerful creators. Deep breathing and meditation are instant fixes for anxiety.

Don’t know how?  We can help!  The group below is a great way to start and we also have individual counseling for young people. Contact Beth Miller, LCSW, CEC, Positive Energy Counseling Center

HOW TO MANIFEST WITH THE SUPERMOON

The Supermoon is where The moon will be the closest it has been to the earth in almost 70 years and this won’t happen again for a long time. 

 

It should be pretty cool, the moon will seem HUUUGEEE, and will definitely pack even more of a punch on your life than typical full moons.  Heads up: moons influence water and you are made up of about 87% of the stuff. That said, you might notice that you are more emotional on Monday-  so stay away from conflict or charged situations to say the least.

 

Instead, use this ritual that I created to take advantage of the Supermoon and to harness it’s power.  Take the time to write out the answers to the below steps. Then, on Monday, once the moon is out, go outside and read each section beneath the moon.  This ritual will help you intentionally release what no longer serves you, and manifest what you now desire. 

 

HOW TO MANIFEST WITH THE SUPERMOON 

 Step 1:  THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU

A grateful heart draws more to it to be grateful for. Write down the many things you are grateful for in your life.  Say to the moon “Thank you, thank you, thank you” for each one of these things.

 

Step 2: WITH THIS SUPERMOON, I RELEASE:

Out with the old and in with the new. Write down all of the behaviors, experiences, traumas, beliefs, lack of forgiveness, negative emotions, things that are holding you back, addictions, etc that you are reading to let go of. Think of this as cleaning your house of clutter and garbage so that you can allow new stuff into your life. 

 

Step 3: WITH THIS SUPERMOON, I MANIFEST:

Now it’s time to dream both big and small. Write down all of the things you want to bring into your life now.  What are the new beliefs, experiences, miracles, opportunities, people, items, or relationships you desire? Be specific, tangible, and clear. And then get ready to allow in what you ask for.

 

Step 4: WITH THIS SUPERMOON, I BLESS:

Use the power of the moon to send out positive energy. Write down all of the people you wish to bless, the situations you want to send peace to, the people that need help, the health issues that need healing.  Bless your friends and your “enemies”. You can even bless your bank account or unpaid student loan.  No harm in sending positive energy to all aspects of you life!

 

Step 5: THANK YOU

Give thanks once again for this opportunity and your relationship with the greater universe.

 

Step 6: CONNECT WITH YOUR SOUL

This may seem extra woo-woo-ish but I promise it works, so be willing to feel silly to get the results.

 Write down 5- 10 beliefs that you desire to be true about yourself (I.e. I am loved and loving, I am secure and confident, I am powerful, I am deeply happy, I am great at manifesting, I am a paid artist, I have a successful career, etc)

Go find a mirror and look yourself in the eyes and repeat these affirmations while looking into your own eyes.  Mind you, this will feel a little freaky.  You will start having an awareness that you are connecting to a very intense- and perhaps foreign part of you.  Basically, you are connecting deeply into your soul and this communication will then create change in your world. It’s like programming or harmonizing with the core part of you and bringing the truth of your soul to the earthly plane. 

FYI: It’s best to do this step everyday for maximum benefit.  I kid you not- this one works. I have seen people change dramatically from this mirror work alone.  Do it, even if it’s weird.

 

This Manifesting With The Supermoon ritual is totally worth doing.  Enjoy the view. It should be beautiful.

 

 

Beth Miller is the creator of Modern Intuitive Therapy, an advanced therapy that combines the very best of psychotherapy, life coaching, energy healing, science, and spirituality.  She has a private practice in Sayville, New York and works with clients around the world by phone.  Beth hosts Positive Energy weekly groups and a Sunday Morning Enlightenment series.  Her youtube channel and blog are meant to serve others by teaching the best tools and skills to trust your soul, master your energy, and live your highest life. Beth’s The Soul Cure For Anxiety Online Therapy Course is a multi-media, 11-week alternative to attending therapy that teaches how to be calm, cool, and connected- no matter what is happening in life.  For FREE guided meditations check out www.bethmillermeditations.com. For daily inspiration and free tools,  join the fun at  www.facebook.com/supertherapywithbethmiller

 

How To Not Wimp Out On Your Life

I’m going to tell you a hard, sad truth.  Most people are not living up to their potential in life. 

They are taking the path of least resistance, hiding behind being too busy or tired,  or they have been lulled to sleep by the opium of mediocrity  floating in the suburban air.  With the greatest amount of love and respect I’m letting you know that many of the people you know are wimping out because they aren’t living up to everything they are meant to be.  My job today, in this quick blog post, is to make sure that you aren’t one of them.

First, let’s do a quick quiz to see if you are achieving your highest self and living up to your natural best.  Answer these questions with a Yes or No:

Do you feel proud and brave about your own accomplishments everyday?
Do you have the thought ” Man that was hard. And I did it! ” at least once a day?
Are you living up to your dreams, talents,  and the kind of person you imagined  you would be?
Would you describe your life as fun, exciting, or interesting? Do you laugh ALOT?
Are you making a meaningful contribution to the lives of others or the world?
If you were to write your own Eulogy right now, would you feel satisfied by everything you have accomplished so far? How would people describe you at your funeral?

If you answered  NO to any of these questions, then this post is for you. I’m going to ask you make a few changes that will turn your life up. Here we go:

 

HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE WHO SERIOUSLY RAISE THE BAR.
We all need compassionate support when times are tough.  Really sweet friends, loving Moms, and validating therapists are a life staple. But make sure the people that are around you everyday serve as an incubator championing how capable, unique,, and downright cool you are.  Make friends with people who set the bar high, those who are changing the world or achieving awesome accomplishments themselves.  Surround yourself with a mastermind group of people who peer-pressure you into being your highest self and remind you that life is full of miracles where impossible things happen by people like you.   Hint:  Birds of a feather flock together. So If you want to be rich, hang out with rich people.  If you want to be smart, make friends with intelligent people. If you want to be super happy or uber athletic or incredibly successful- well, you get the idea.

 

DON’T JUST DREAM BIG.
It’s awesome to dream up cool ideas, but your goals need to actually exit fantasy land and materialize into reality. The inner wimp will generally tell you to think small, be regular, and will squash most of your future dreams with thoughts like “It will take too much work”, “It will be too hard”, or”There’s not enough time or money” to bring a worthy goal to life.  It’s time to pick at least one dream you have and take the first step to making it a real-life breathing reality. Seriously, it’s time to just do it already.

 

ACT LIKE A SEAL.
Most of you what you accomplish is just a simple mental game.  Navy Seals and Marines use a pretty cool tool to break out of the rut of automatic underachieving that’s called The Rule of 40.  Basically, this rule says that when you can’t take any more, when you are at your physical or emotional limit, you actually still have about 40% more capability in your reserve tank.  Jesse Itzler, marathon runner and author of Living with a SEAL: 31 Days Training with the Toughest Man on the Planet, tells hysterical and profound tales about how this Rule of 40 made him realize how much stronger he was by tapping into that reserve.  Picture using The Rule of 40 when you are getting impatient with your kids, losing steam during your ironman workout, about to abandon your low-carb diet, or you feel like avoiding what needs to be done.. NO your NOT done, NO you should NOT settle or give up. You are way stronger than you think and you have 40% left in your reserve tank so let’s go.

 

DON’T FEED YOUR “WIMPY PAIN BODY”.
Author and spiritual teacher Echert Tolle writes in the Power of Now that we all have a “Pain Body” within us that holds our negative energy.  It’s the part of us that is attracted to unhappiness, anger, judgement, grief, emotional drama, and even illness. It’s also where our inner wimp lives.  I know your rational thinking brain probably believes that you want to be happy all the time, but your Pain Body tells a whole different story.

Don’t believe me? Just notice the next time you think a thought that makes you feel sad, rejected, angry, annoyed, overwhelmed or depressed.  Yup, that’s YOU thinking that thought that makes YOU feel bad.

That’s YOU thinking about how annoying your boss is, how unsupportive your spouse is, how unfair it is that you can’t lose weight. That’s YOU thinking how you are too tired for a tough workout, how bad your head hurts, how taxing your kids are, or how much you don’t want to make those cold calls at work.  And that’s you thinking how horrible it is to carry sheets of drywall for your new basement in 90 degree heat (Oh, wait, no, that was actually me thinking that last Sunday).

In other words, you are keeping our own WIMPY Pain Body alive by feeding it wimpy thoughts, telling yourself that you have reached your limit in some area of your life.

 

ONLY FEED YOUR “BADASS BODY”.
If there’s a Pain Body that holds your wimpy thoughts and all of your other negative emotions, then there is also a Badass Body that holds all of your incredibly adventurous and strong qualities.  And yes, we want you to feed the Badass Body with wild abandon.  How?  Stop thinking that things are “hard” and instead think thoughts like “Of course I can do this”, “Nothing can stop me”, “That pain is just fear leaving the body”, “If it’s hard it’s just what I need”, and “Strong is the new sexy.”  Other positive thoughts that will produce an exceptional life are “I’m ruthless about my own destiny” , “I’m a yes person”, “I do it because I can”, and “Let me just see what I can do”.

“THOUGHTS LIKE “STRONG IS THE NEW SEXY” CREATE AN EXCEPTIONAL LIFE.”

 


GOT WIMPY DNA?
Recently, neurological research has finally supported what I always hypothesized to be true: the brains of resilient people look different than the brains of less resilient people.  In other words, from a bio-psycho-social perspective you probably inherited however “strong” you are, and these traits were then reinforced by your social environment. On top of that, I’ve noticed that people who are emotionally and mentally strong tend to be more physically strong and healthy.  The very good news here is that you can rewire the neuroplasticity of your brain and ditch your grandfather’s wimpy DNA by doing eventhing in this blog post.  You can become stronger, and pass tougher DNA onto your offspring.  And – no joke- there is simply no better gift to give kids than resiliency.

 

LOVE AND THE F-BOMB.
I don’t mind cursing when it empowers me so I’m a big fan of saying “F- You” to beliefs that stop me. Literally like “F-you fear” or “F-you annoying limitations”.   This makes me the master of my wimpy thoughts, rather than them running the show subconsciously.   But I  equally like saying “I love you” to my challenges. I repeat the words LOVE LOVE LOVE in my mind when I start to get angry. I tell myself to trust whenever things are “going wrong” in my life. I use the Buddhist Prayer of Loving Kindness to get through a really hard workout.  Try it! Focusing on loving thoughts infuses strength, and removes weakening fear, into whatever you are doing.

 

STRONG IS THE NEW SEXY.
If you don’t feel sexy, strong, powerful, and elated I’m going to take a risk and say you are living a wimpy life.  If you feel bored or tired a lot, have given up on some of your coolest ideas because your too old, it’s too late, or you think you should just  sustain the life you created, you are selling yourself short.  If you know what needs to be done but you just aren’t taking the risk -or you are prioritizing someone else’s goals- it’s time to re-assess.   A wimpy life feels just like it sounds.

Feeling accomplished and alive is your birthright, and when you feed the badass within, you discover that you are a beast. And by beast I mean you are beautiful, bold, unstoppable, creative, and everything you were naturally meant to be.

 

Beth Miller is the creator of Modern Intuitive Therapy, an advanced therapy that combines the very best of psychotherapy, life coaching, energy healing, science, and spirituality.  She has a private practice in Sayville, New York and works with clients around the globe by phone.  Beth hosts Positive Energy weekly groups and a Sunday Morning Enlightenment series.  Her youtube channel and blog are meant to serve others by teaching the best tools and skills to trust your soul, master your energy, and live your highest life. Beth’s The Soul Cure For Anxiety Online Therapy Course is a multi-media, 11-week alternative to attending therapy that teaches how to be calm, cool, and connected- no matter what is happening in life.  For FREE guided meditations check out www.bethmillermeditations.com. For daily inspiration and free tools,  join the fun at  www.facebook.com/supertherapywithbethmiller

 

 

 

 

 

Do This One Scary Thing Every Day To Be Amazing


Do  one thing every day that scares you. —Mary Schmich

Always do what you are afraid to do. —Ralph Waldo Emerson

You must do the thing you think you cannot do.—Eleanor Roosevelt

 

 

 

You’ve probably heard these quotes before, maybe even seen one on a dangling refrigerator magnet or peeling bumper sticker. 

And when you did,  you might’ve felt a surge of inspiration to face your fears or scale your insecurities, to “do the thing you think you cannot do.” But just as quickly as it came, that part of you that wanted to stand up to the monotony of life eventually fell back into the plush e-z chair of your normal routine,  or got consumed by the crowded chaos of your schedule. Because the truth is, even if you want to be bold and fearless, sometimes you are just too tired or busy to add one more thing in. Or, if you’ve become the protagonist in your own repetitive version of “Ground Hog Day”, you might not even know what new or exciting things would light you up anymore.

 

WARNING SIGNS THAT YOUR LIFE NEEDS A KICK INTHE PANTS. 
But here’s the deal:  I want you to remember that you have been built with a creative energy that demands that you expand and grow in order to feel alive. You have been given the ability to dream up ideas and play with life for a reason:  because having your hands in the clay of existence and shaping cool, fun things is why you are here in the first place.   So If you’re emotions have been falling flat, if your body feels soft, if you mind feels uncreative, if you relationships are unattended to , if your sex life is mundane- my guess is that  you are not really feeling alive.  You’re just living.  And let’s just agree that’s not good enough.


SCARING YOURSELF INTO BEING AMAZING.
So here’s the good news: The antidote for when life feels monotonous, automated, boring, dull, repetitive, depressing, anxious, overwhelming, or just not fun anymore is to do something that scares you everyday.   By “scares” I mean challenges you, stretches you, makes you feel butterflies in your belly, forces you to focus, and asks you to show up.

Now I’m not suggesting that you be so frightened that you’re throwing up on your shoes or popping Xanax, but you definitely should feel nervousness in your stomach at least a few times per week. 

You ever hear the phrase “You have to go out on a limb because that’s where all the fruit is”?  Well, to get to that fruit you’ve got to move away from the safety of the trunk of the tree.  You’ve got to rely on your inner strength, some core faith, to balance you as you shakily put one foot in front of the other. The nervousness you feel as you take risks is  simply confirmation that you are growing.  And this is a good signs that you are actually living.

 

IT’S YOUR BIG OL’ EGO THAT WILL KEEP YOU SMALL.
A few months ago  I walked into a Crossfit gym for the first time.  Funny thing is that it wasn’t the first day that made me the most nervous.- it was the second.  Sure on day one I was a little apprehensive because I didn’t know anyone or what to expect.  No biggy, I could handle that. But on day 2, day 3, day 15 my stomach would drop like an elevator to my feet as I pulled into the Crossfit driveway because I KNEW what was going to happen inside that gym.

It’s not just that the workouts were hard.  So what? I can do hard, or at least try (and there are modifications that adjust for beginning hacks like me anyway).  It was actually all the mental and emotional stuff that made me the most apprehensive-  the way my ego started acting up as I moved away from that trunk and went out on a limb.

A few facts about the adorable ego:  everyone has one, it’s always fear-based, and it must be tamed repeatedly if you want to live your most amazing life. The ego will show up in a variety of ways- it can make us overconfident or self-depricating, tell us we are better than others or not good enough at all. The ego wants to be good at everything, it doesn’t like learning curves, and it will do anything in it’s power to keep you from feeling embarrassed or looking like an imperfect idiot.  It’s main strategy is to keep itself safe by scaring you into not trying new things.

So you can imagine the temper tantrum my ego was having as I ventured into Crossfit, which is all about technique, whole-being-strength,  pushing your limits and learning a brand new vocabulary. You can still hear the reverberations of my stunned ego as I was told to climb the rope, toss over a tire,  or got gently corrected by my coach literally 1000 times about my inflexible shoulders. But since the ego only wants to be a master and never a student, I decided that I would become a master at being willing, at looking silly, at being an open-minded student whose only aspiration was to learn.

 

PLATEAUS, BURN-OUT, AND OTHER INDICATIONS OF MASTERY.
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our routine and the goals we had in the past, that we  fool ourselves into thinking we are doing our current best. It’s like driving forward by looking in the rearview mirror.  But if you aren’t getting awesome results from your daily actions, it’s time to get real and challenge your life-patterns in some way.  I like to think of plateaus or feeling “bored” as a sign that I mastered something and it’s time to push things higher and harder.

Since you are an inherently creative being, that flat boring plateau is your inner GPS driving you  to create something new, to put it in 4 wheel drive and off road into the bumpy terrain of expansion.

For me, I hit a big fat plateau with my physical fitness despite running 5 days a week and weight lifting 2 or 3.  This fitness program allowed me to lie to myself a little everyday because I told myself that getting up at 5 am to run in the dark, frigid winter was my personal best.  See, I wasn’t radically accepting that my routine WAS NOT and WOULD NOT create any new results because I had hit a long flat plateau that went on for years and miles. It was time to get scared and try something new like Crossfit.

I don’t know what your plateaus are, but I bet YOU do.  Ask yourself in what life categories you keep doing the same action and expecting some brand new result.  What feels stale? What needs shaking up? What desires are you silencing to keep the status quo of life humming along?

 

CRAZY, FUN, SEXY FEAR.
I’ve noticed something cool that happens when you do stuff that makes you a little afraid:  all your senses start to wake up more.  After a few days of crossfit, I felt more creative.  This happened because my inner blocks were getting moved around, the film of stagnancy that muddied up my joy-receptor sites cleared.I started painting  and writing more, even taking the time to play with the poetry magnets in the foyer of the Sayville library.  I experienced a more intense vibrancy in all ways: flowers smelled more potent, music vibrated deeper. Even though I was living a pretty cool life before, any black and white edges suddenly sprung into technicolor.

In other words, trying new things takes you out of the sleeper-choke hold you accidentally wrested yourself into.   You wake up and life becomes sexier, richer, and more fun.

 

REMEMBERING WHEN YOU WERE MOST AWAKE.
When I think back on my life and review the times when I felt most creative, excited, powerful, or alive it was often when  I was  doing something that scared me and pushed my limits.Traveling by myself in Europe when I was 19 with no phone, luggage, or set destination. Jumping out of an airplane. Driving across country for a month with my girlfriends after college.  Giving a workshop to 300 people. Zip lining in Costa Rica. My first time being a DJ on WUSB.  Stuff like that.

I would like you to think of the times you felt the most vibrant and enthusiastic and see what the common denominators were.   My guess is that you were challenging yourself- maybe even feeling a little scared- and that’s why you felt the most alive.

 

REDEFINING THE GOAL OF LIFE. 
Here’s a hint:  the goal of life is not to succeed at everything or to always feel safe.  Now I’m not asking you to be adrenaline junky or to trade in the hard earned, mature security you have reliably built your life around.  But I AM suggesting that you rethink the purpose of your  daily existence.  The ego is going to tell you that the only reason to pursue goals is to gain more status, or money, or comfortable safety.  It’s also going to tell you that you shouldn’t do things that don’t guaranteed success or might make you look like a chump.   But I’m telling you that’s exactly why you SHOULD do new things.  Make a fool of yourself, get unsafe for a minute or two, be uncomfortable.  Because the goal of life is to expand and grow, and to beat fear with love, curiosity, and trust.

I can’t tell you what scares you. I don’t know what you have been avoiding, or what would really make your heart sing if you had the courage to go for it.  Maybe you should finally take guitar lessons and do open mikes at the coffeehouse. Maybe it’s time to travel-volunteer, to open yourself up to love or dating, to sign up for that marathon, to mountain bike in Machu Picchu, to fire your job and start your own business.. 

All I can say is be willing to get scared and jump.  Do one thing today – like right now– that makes you afraid and then do it several times a week at least.  Push yourself. It’s worth it.  After all, this is your LIFE we are talking about. Don’t let your ego keep you small.

 

Here’s a big SHOUT OUT to Bayport Crossfit in New York for creating a atmosphere that challenges your limits while also being super-fun and extremely supportive. If you’ve heard rumors that the Crossfit workouts or coaches are wicked or militant, you will be pleasantly surprised by how community-oriented and kind Bayport Crossfit is-  though you should definitely expect the workouts will kick your butt in all the right ways. Check out their website and also their facebook page.  

Beth Miller is the creator of Modern Intuitive Therapy, an advanced therapy that combines the very best of psychotherapy, life coaching, energy healing, science, and spirituality.  She has a private practice in Sayville, New York and works with clients around the globe by phone.  Beth hosts Positive Energy weekly groups and a Sunday Morning Enlightenment series.  Her youtube channel and blog are meant to serve others by teaching the best tools and skills to trust your soul, master your energy, and live your highest life. Beth’s The Soul Cure For Anxiety Online Therapy Course is a multi-media, 11-week alternative to attending therapy that teaches how to be calm, cool, and connected- no matter what is happening in life.  For FREE guided meditations check out www.bethmillermeditations.com. For daily inspiration and free tools,  join the fun at  www.facebook.com/supertherapywithbethmiller.

 

 

Healing Frequencies To Connect To Angels, Physically Heal, and Feel Love…

Did you know that there are frequencies you can listen to that will elevate your energy level? These tones can also connect you to angels, love, and self-healing.

But here’s an added benefit: if you have trouble meditating, this can be a great way to get your “zen” on without trying so hard… Check it out!

(The information for this blog came directly from www.attunedvibrations.com. They do a great job of helping people understand how healing frequencies work.  PLUS they have a ton of FREE TONES  on their website for you to experience).

Why use healing frequencies?

Because everything (including you) is about vibration and balance. Your body and all matter exist at different rates of vibration and have their own resonant frequencies. Therefore, sound and vibration play a fundamental role in your life by affecting physical, mental and spiritual levels of your human being.

The creative and transformative potential of sound has been scientifically verified. Sound vibration actually changes the structure of matter.

As you increase the frequency the matter keeps forming more complex patterns. Note that these patterns are strictly the result of physical vibration.

This action of vibration on matter is known as Cymatics. Hans Jenny (1904-1972), the father of Cymatics, claimed that physical healing could be aided by vibrational tones. Now we know that he was right. Researchers and sound therapists use specific healing frequencies to bring harmony and balance in the physical body.

What can healing frequencies do for you?

By listening to Solfeggio, 432 and 528 Hz music you can:

  • release yourself from stress
  • raise your energy
  • expand creativity and consciousness
  • improve memory
  • unlock your potential

Click to read testimonials

The science behind healing music

The world of science is constantly evolving. What was believed as impossible yesterday can become the most astounding fact today. Einstein’s Theory of Relativity stated: Mass is energy. There is no “matter”. In quantum physics, scientists are beginning to realize that everything is a process.

“If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music” Albert Einstein

Fritjof Capra says, “The processes that create sound into harmonious music are the same processes that govern all associating vibrations throughout the universe.” We are a vital part of the process. Hans Jenny and his Cymatic phenomena clearly demonstrate that how we see things is always a result of more subtle, invisible vibrations. Change the vibration, and you change the manifestation.

The new physics reveals that everything is moving and has a frequency. As technology has evolved to make the world of sound visible, more scientists are forced to change their viewpoint about the vibrational nature of human beings. And many of them are beginning to realize that sound is the source of physical life.

What does all this mean for you?

Awaken your spirit with the healing music.  Science has begun to re-discover the secrets of the resonance and its impact on our health. As beings of conscience, we rely on the natural resonance of attracting what we want to achieve: love, happiness, personal development, health and abundance. We are not separated from the vibrations that are interdependent in the resonance and fundamental to maintain and regulate our mood and health.

Healing frequencies can bring balance, relax and wholeness to your body.The music I share with you employs overlays of specific harmonic tones. These tones have been rediscovered by modern science, but they’re nothing new to the universe.

Ancient civilizations understood the powerful benefit of sound and vibration. They composed music based on the perfect mathematical proportions that can be found in the construction of many sacred temples, space and time. You can tune yourself to the perfect rhythm by opening your inner ear to the healing music. Attuned Vibrations healing music is the missing link for connecting yourself with the melody of the Universe.

 

TRY IT OUT NOW!

There are plenty of websites to find these healing frequencies, but I like www.attunedvibrations.com.  On the menu bar click on the FREE TONES section.  There you will see downloads like these.  There are 9 free ones all together.

Solfeggio Frequency 963 Hz
The frequency of 963 Hz is connected with the Light, and enables direct experience. Re-connects you with the Spirit, or the non-vibrational energies of the spiritual world.
&

Solfeggio Frequency 741 Hz
Leads you into the power of self-expression, which results in a pure and stable life. The intent behind the 741Hz frequency is to solve and cleanse.

Let me know what your experience with them is like! I love them…
Beth Miller is the creator of Modern Intuitive Therapy, combing the very best of psychotherapy, life coaching, energy healing, science, and spirituality.  She has a private practice in Sayville, New York and works with clients around the globe.  Beth hosts Positive Energy weekly groups and a Sunday Morning Enlightenment series.  Her youtube channel and blog are meant to teach and serve, sharing the best tools and skills to trust your soul, master your energy, and live your highest life. Beth’s The Soul Cure For Anxiety Online Therapy Course is a multi-media, 11-week alternative to attending therapy that teaches how to be calm, cool, and connected- no matter what is happening in life.  For FREE guided meditations join her at www.bethmillermeditations.com. Join the fun at www.facebook.com/supertherapywithbethmiller !

 

 

 

 

“Dear Beth, How Can I Stay Happy and Centered When My Husband Is Being A Jerk?”

When “Ann” emailed me this question, I knew it had to be our first “STAYING COOL IN CRAZYTOWN” post.  I have so many clients who Find their inner-peace to be fragile and easily rocked By others.  Here’s what she ASKED:

 

Dear Beth,
I have been consciously walking along a more spiritual path and am trying to do things everyday that make me feel more peaceful.  I meditate, get some exercise in, and read a lot of self-help books…and generally feel good.  But sometimes when I come home and see my husband it’s like it all goes out the window.  Don’t get me wrong- I love him and am glad to be married.  But it seems like it’s hard to stay in that peaceful place when he is grumpy, doesn’t listen to a word I say, or pushes my buttons. I get mad easily and just keep reacting to him.

I don’t know what I am doing wrong, but it doesn’t seem like I am very good at being happy when I have to deal with difficult people.  This makes me feel bad about my progress.  Do you have any advice about how I can be centered and happy even when my husband is being a jerk?”


Ann’s dilemma is a common one, and the problem isn’t just A “jerky” husband. We ALl GEt Triggered by People in Our lives…


A lot of people experience the evaporation of their inner peace when they encounter a particular co-worker, get a phone message from an in-law, or have a tenuous interaction with a neighbor.  It seems like inner peace is so fragile, like it collapses too easily.

The goal of this article is to give you very practical tools you can use to stay happy, even when your partner/coworker/boss/ neighbor is activating a defensive reaction in you.  If you try these suggestions, you are more likely to stay cool even when your environment is crazytown:

 

1)      Observe Your Own Inner Space:  The first thing you want to develop is the ability to observe what is happening within your body, mind, and emotions.  When the other person starts to trigger you, activate the Observer within you:  observe how you are getting tense in your chest, feeling constricted, getting angry, thinking negative thoughts.

2)      Watch The Situation Like A TV Show: Now start watching the other person like you are watching TV- with distance and as if they are separate from you.  See their words and behaviors as if you are not caught up in the situation with them, but are actually witnessing them.

3)      Breathe:  Deeply breathe into your belly a few times.  This will reduce your adrenaline-fueled stress response (making you less likely to react) and give your inner space.

4)      Ask Yourself “Should I React The Same Way I Always Do?”:  How many times are you going to have the same kind of reaction to the same triggers?  In other words, if your typical way of reacting hasn’t changed the other person or your relationship, it’s time to choose a different tactic.

5)      Realize Their CRAZYTOWN Isn’t Yours: It’s essential to become aware that when someone is in crisis or angry or moody, you do not have to join them. Just because they are off-center, you don’t have to be angry or moody too.  Let them have their crazytown.  You can choose to stay peaceful or happy anyway.

6)     Compassionately Let Them Stay On “Misery Island”: You need to know that it’s ok to let the other person to stay angry or sad or grumpy while you take care of your own reality.  My advice is to let them stay on “Misery Island” as long as they need to, while you row back to the mainland where your life and happiness live.  Don’t try to control or change them. When people are being “jerks” they are often unaware of it or are dealing with something internally. Compassioantly ask them once “Are you ok?  What can I do to help?”, hear and help them if they are willing, but then move on to step # 8 .

7)      Go Find Your Own Happy:  You ultimate goal is to connect with your own most centered, peaceful, wise, happy self.  Nothing good comes from connecting with the lower and more reactive versions of you.  Walk away from any tense situations and do whatever it takes to feel good within yourself: take a walk, fold laundry, call a friend (but don’t complain to them about the situation), meditate, think of a positive memory, dive into your hobby.  Get right within yourself , do not feed your inner victim, focus on your strengths, and stop thinking about them. Find your way back to peace and love by being and doing peaceful and loving things.

 

 

Beth Miller is the creator of Modern Intuitive Therapy, combing the very best of psychotherapy, life coaching, energy healing, science, and spirituality.  She has a private practice in Sayville, New York and works with clients around the globe.  Beth hosts Positive Energy weekly groups and a Sunday Morning Enlightenment series.  Her youtube channel and blog are meant to teach and serve, sharing the best tools and skills to trust your soul, master your energy, and live your highest life. Beth’s The Soul Cure For Anxiety Online Therapy Course is a multi-media, 11-week alternative to attending therapy that teaches how to be calm, cool, and connected- no matter what is happening in life.  For FREE guided meditations join her at www.bethmillermeditations.com. Join the fun at www.facebook.com/supertherapywithbethmiller !