GOT JUDGMENT OR ANGER? 2-Minute Tool To Get Zen In A Jiffy

Recently one of my clients came to session with a lot of anger.

She said he has been trying really hard to be more positive, but noticed she was just “repressing” a lot of her judgments and frustrations about other people. In other words, it’s not that she had stopped feeling negative emotions, she was just expressing it less.

I had to applaud her.  Not only was she trying to be more positive, but she also recognized that talking about her judgments and resents actually makes them grow bigger. Have you noticed how focusing on them feeds them just like logs on a fire?

Judgment and anger about others is a super-common issue for us humans.  Not everyone wants to learn how to rise above it, but those that do notice how depleted and exhausted these auto-pilot reactions make them.  As you probably know, the reactions we have to others is always an opportunity for us to grow.  In a weird twist, it’s almost like people are doing things specifically to activate the parts of us that need to develop emotionally and spiritually.  On a more cosmic level, it’s like they are sacrificing for us to grow. This is what makes  triggering people  our “calling” rise up and become more enlightened.

I’m not a practicing Buddhist, but I love many of their teachings and psychology. The Tibetan Buddhist tradition actually instructs all beginning students in a practice called Making Difficulties into a Path.  In other words, the teachers intentionally give the students tasks that will trigger their “stuff” so that they can work on it. In Jack Kornfield’s A Path With Heart, he quotes a Tibetan prayer that begins “Grant that I may be given appropriate difficulties and sufferings on this journey so that my heart may be truly awakened and my practice of liberation and universal compassion may be truly fulfilled.”

Now, you may be like:
“Hey, Beth, I’m not really psyched about the idea of wishing and hoping for suffering
so that I can practice having more compassion!”

And I get it- that might seem a little extreme for your taste. No problem. So let’s scratch the actual wishing for annoying colleagues  and frustrating relatives.  But if you do experience undesired judgment and anger toward someone, like my client, we might as well learn how to enlighten it.

Here’s a great tool I came up with to transcend judgment, anger, and frustration with others. It’s simple, fast, and effective. All you need is a bit of practice.


  • NAME IT:   Become the observer of your feelings by naming them as they occur. Make the focus of your attention what is happening within you, instead of about them.  For example, when your friend starts to irritate you, take a breath and notice your insides.  In your mind, notice your physical sensations and feelings like this “I  notice that I am frustrated. I notice that my chest is tightening. I notice that I am thinking of his faults.”

    We can’t change what we don’t genuinely accept about ourselves. This is the problem with repression- it isn’t authentic.  Tell  yourself “I radically accept that I am frustrated, judging,  having a hard time.  I love and accept myself.” This will prevent you from judging yourself when you judge others, doubling the problem.

    It’s time to bring light to the situation by doing one of many things: begin to think of the other’s person’s strengths, pray for them, fill your heart with compassion for them, think of them as they were as a child, send the word “love” to them, fill your heart up with light, or breath 10 deep inhales.

    Now you can let it go with a deep breath that deflates your chest. Do this by taking in a deep breath and then exhaling forcefully, exhausting your solar plexus.  Empty your sternum area entirely of breath and the energy of this issue.  Say “I release this.”

Try it!- it’s really simple and it works.  Sure you may have to do it many times over- after all, you are building a weak muscle into a strong one.  But do this one time and you will feel so much better immediately, releasing the judgment and anger. Do this many times and you will notice that your anger and judgment actually happens less and less and less…..

PS If you want to share the content of my blog, please cite me and create a link to my website and blog.  It’s great to re-post me, but please link it to my site.  The internet- and your own manifesting- works best on a honor system, where we all have integrity.  Thanks a million!

Beth Miller, LCSW-R, CEC, CAHC is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Life Coach, energy healer, meditation teacher, and spiritual counselor in private practice in Bayport, Long Island, New York, USA. She is the owner of the group practice POSITIVE ENERGY Holistic Counseling & Institute where she and her fabulous team of therapists use the breakthrough model Advanced Holistic Counseling & Coaching™ to create transformational change in their clients. Beth is the creator of the trademarked Advanced Holistic Counseling & Coaching™: Modern therapy that combines the very best of traditional psychotherapy with life coaching, energy healing, science, and spirituality. Now, Licensed Therapists, Healers, and Coaches can learn how to experience huge transformation in themselves, their clients, and their careers by becoming Certified in Advanced Holistic Counseling & Coaching™.  For free holistic and psychotherapy tools, visit the POSITIVE ENERGY Holistic Counseling & Institute YouTube channel, or contact us directly via phone at 631-533-0708 or email at